And, as we have long known from work with abused children, having your accurate reality denied - being made to feel wrong when you are actually quite right - is incredibly traumatic.
That said, I offer here a simple, straightforward definition of sexual infidelity, developed through more than two decades of work with betrayed spouses and their ultimately remorseful mates.Healing From Infidelity Sadly, it is only in the past few years that the trauma of sexual infidelity has become an area of legitimate study. It’s been over a year now & I still have a hard time trusting him 100%.Nevertheless, family counselors and psychotherapists are quickly gaining insight into the long-term emotional effects of betrayal on a closely bonded partner. I wanted to kick him out the door but I didn’t want to kick him out of my life. On top of that he complained to some of his family members about the fact that I was reading his “private messages” but NEVER explained shy.It makes no difference if the cheating occurred in person or online through the use of porn, webcams, social media, or some other digital technology.In other words, a “virtual world” affair is every bit as painful to a betrayed spouse as an in-the-flesh affair.In this abusive way betrayed partners are made to feel, over time, as if they are the issue, as if is the source of problems in the relationship.
Faced with such an ongoing onslaught of lies and well-crafted excuses, many begin to doubt their own reality.
Without doubt these individuals have every right to feel angry, mistrustful, hurt, and confused. We had such a good relationship for the past 4 years. Well, he left the house for a few hours & I tried to calm down & think about the most logical way to handle it. And of course now they think I am some sort of deranged stalker.
At the very least they need validation for their feelings and help processing the shame of being cheated on, along with education and support to move forward. When he got back I explained to him that this sort of behavior is unacceptable to most people in committed relationships. It needs to stop if we have any chance of saving our relationship. I noticed he was talking to a second strange woman. She kept saying she needs help & she kept asking him if he would “Do her a favor”. Yes for a few months I did stalk his stuff but ONLY AFTER I saw the red flags. Just remember folks that if you are dealing with this issue in your life, seeking support is the only way to get though this.
Many also need guidance with day-to-day issues like managing their emotional lability, approaching potential healthcare issues (including the possibility of STDs), setting appropriate boundaries, and curbing their (sometimes constant) desire to question the cheater in detail about his or her past and current behaviors. He of course said I was over-reacting (Shifting the blame). Over the next few months I kept checking his Facebook private messages even though he “tried” to lock it with a password. Why is he suddenly blocking his stuff with passwords? (Oh right, because I read his messages & I caught him in something inappropriate & now I guess he doesn’t trust me to trust him. I just kept my mouth shut to see were this would go. I am assuming money, which neither of us have, being we are both retired & on a limited income. (I didn’t know at the time but I do know now that she was probably a “Catfish” looking to scam him). Anyway, to get back on track, he stopped chatting with strange women. I did explain to his sister why I was checking his messages. Therapists specializing in the issue and 12 step groups for addicts and partners can make healing possible.
Most betrayed partners decide to remain in the relationship. I had printed hard copies of his conversation with her in case he denied it.
Once upon a time infidelity was pretty easy to identify.