Player mentality dating
If you’re with someone who is happier than a pig in sh*t being a poor partner for relationship, not just with you, it suggests that you need to get out and stop trying to turn a pigs ear into a silk purse.
That’s not because you’ve merged and become co-dependent, but because you’re still individual enough to revel in the greater good of each others successes but also share the difficulties when things don’t go so well.Even if at , we miss problems that are right in front of our faces. Life moves on, circumstances change, and things that are often out of our control influence the relationship or the other person – if we’re not aware of factors that are impacting on the relationship because we’re assuming that things are the way that we envision them to be, it’s like falling asleep on the job.It’s also important to note that I come across an alarming number of people who believe themselves to be on the same page for the wrong reasons – they think because they have mindblowing sex, read highbrow books, and share the same political views that they’re on the same page.When I’ve been in ‘relationships’ with lazy or reluctant team mates, it’s been comparable to trying to cycle a tandem bike on my own with the ‘team’ mate on it, with a flat tyre… Many people assume that if they do the work of both parties in the relationship and love unconditionally without boundaries, that somehow they’ll reap the reward at some point in some sort of ‘cup runneth over and reciprocates eventually’ sort of fantasy.The types of people that need you to have little or no boundaries and values in order to be with them assume that if you’re still there, that you are OK with doing things on their terms – see my post on terms and conditions in relationships.People who actually want to be on a team don’t see it as a hardship to be on the team and don’t try to ‘resist’ it.
Likewise, in relationships, people who can’t resist being with you, don’t resist you.
That so-called team mate doesn’t see the relationship in the same way.
It’s ticking their boxes because they might be getting a shag/shoulder to lean on/ego stroke or even money, or whatever it is that is that they perceive as the ‘benefit’.
It doesn’t matter if you appear to share common interests if you’re not in the same relationship.
The reason why you will find yourself struggling in a dubious relationship is because you believe the relationship to be more than what it is (or want it to be more than what it is) – you’re trying to operate as a team with lazy or reluctant team mate.
One of the key reasons why we can find ourselves in dubious relationships is that no matter what we believed the person or the relationship to be at the outset, we have received contradictory evidence that indicates that we need to adjust our perception of things, and ignored it.