Validating hurt feelings in a relationship
Remember that even though one may not be consciously aware of feeling unacceptable in some way, we all have a degree of these lurking under the surface causing overreactions to many events.These overreactions are always made worse in a relationship whose dynamics leave each person feeling as if there is something wrong with their particular way of viewing life and the world.
Only in another’s expression that they can understand us feeling the way we do, will we finally feel fully accepted in our romantic relationships.We naturally then begin to frame the interactions as right or wrong and then the power struggle ensues.If you can’t validate me it makes me feel as if you don’t really think I have the right to feel the way I do. And yes, it is our jobs to own it, take it on and do the work necessary to improve the relationship.If this lack of validation has been present for some time, then you may need help in getting your communication back on track.Start to make a genuine effort to stop reacting and start listening to your partner’s feelings. Christine Kniffen, LCSW is a Relationship Coach Therapist in private practice. This entry was posted on Thursday, September 1st, 2011 at am and is filed under September 2011.I guarantee there are non-productive dynamics and hurt feelings to address and help repair for all involved in the process.
A secondary cause that works to support validation starvation in a relationship refers to the figurative “having your guard up”.
We all have that dynamic going on in some way or another. Keeping that shield in place also robs you of your ability to be utterly honest and vulnerable in your expression of your own voice.
Real inner peace, therefore happiness, is achieved when we can confidently, but not aggressively convey the level of intensity of our feelings and we feel that we are validated in having them and doing so.
It is almost unequivocally related to hurt feelings or a sense of fear.
In relationships we always have the right to let another know how their behavior and actions impacted us be it good or bad, period.
And, if your previous approaches have not been getting an open and inviting response from the other person, we may need to get the delivery changed as well. It’s not about winning the dysfunctional, right or wrong debate.